


How do I even move on?

by LadyMidnight22



Category: Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children - Ransom Riggs
Genre: F/F, Friendship, Grief, I'm Bad At Tagging, Loss, Mourning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:41:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26681566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyMidnight22/pseuds/LadyMidnight22
Summary: You decided to move to Cairnholm after you lost someone very close to you. You try to deal with your loss and in the process meet Miss Peregrine and her children.
Relationships: Alma LeFay Peregrine/Reader
Comments: 11
Kudos: 48





	1. Moving to Cairnholm

**Author's Note:**

> i felt very motivated today and wanted to start a new story, but I will continue the old. I dont know how I want this story to play out. Jakob has not arrived yet and the reader is a woman at the age of 30.

More than a month ago you had bought a house on a small und quiet island in Wales, called Cairnholm. You had just wanted to escape the busy city. The city that you only linked to too hard work, stress and loss, enough of it, that at 30 you had a total burnout and severe depression.

Even in the city you barely had people you would call friends, there was only one you had ever trusted and she died during a car crash barely one and a half months ago. Her death was the last straw you needed; you had just collapsed completely and made the decision to leave it all behind and start a new life elsewhere. So you moved to another continent, to a quiet island away from modern live into an older house that you would renovate soon enough and into total seclusion.

You had money, a lot of it, because you were, before you left your job, a very successful banker but during the last two years you paid the price for the endless hours in front of your desk and your near self isolation.

You had been lucky to have Sophia by your side, the kind soul with a big smile that lived with you in your city apartment. You had met her when she ran into you and accidently burned you with the hot coffee she was carrying into the office she worked in, she was a secretary there. After apologising, with tears in her eyes you told her it was fine and just wanted to return to your office and your paper work, when she saw the burn marks around your right wrist and how the formally white fabric of your blouse clung to your body. She took your other wrist and softly but urgently dragged you into a dark alley near you. After a few turns you overcame your shock and started to resist, though it seemed like she did not even care about such antics, she merely strengthened her grip around your wrist and dragged you further.

After your fruitless attempts you stopped struggling and just followed her, you did not sense any danger radiating off of her for now and you were too weak the keep going. Suddenly she stopped in front of a door, took out a key and dragged you in and then softly released your wrist, she must have felt how your pulse went higher and higher due to nervousness and fear. She switched the light on and you were able to see the guilt on her face, than she stepped closer.

She seemed to consider something, closed her eyes for a second and took a deep breath. She took your right wrist between her hands and you felt warmth coursing through it. It was soothing and after a few seconds she released you, the burns were gone, as was the pain. You could only stare at your wrist in wonder, until she stepped even closer and started to unbutton your blouse, you stopped here there.

“How could you do that?” you asked, still amazed. She looked nervous all of a sudden and frightened before she told you how she was able to heal others ever since she could remember and that that was the reason her family abandoned her. You could not believe your ears, another person that could do something special, something peculiar, and you had always thought that you were the only one with a special ability; the only one that lived in fear of others finding out, it took a great burden off of you.

Needless to say, that after that, you had found a friend, to whom you could be honest and someone you could trust, completely. She heeled your chest area too and you both turned in a sick day so you could talk. After two months she moved into your apartment and from that moment on you two became an unstoppable team, working together and taking care of each other.

Sophia suffered from nightmares, she dreamed of invisible monsters that chased her until she was rescued, though she was never was able to tell you who rescued her, as it was all cloudy in her mind. You on the other hand suffered from depression, because of all the loneliness you experienced through your short life, as a result of that you were also too thin, as you did not bother to eat often enough.

It was not always easy but you two harmonised and grew closer than sisters. Until one fateful night after worrying where Sophia was, you got the call that she died, was immediately killed during impact and you just could not take it anymore, you had to leave everything behind, the only think you took with you was the small Australian Sheppard the two of you had adopted one year after moving in together and a few of the clothes you had made in your free time as a hobby. With that you had bought the house in two days, left your job and soon travelled to the island.

You had arrived the day before and got the key for the house. It was not very big and in need of renovation but it was enough for you. After waking up in the old uncomfortable bed you managed to get the shower working and washed yourself with cold water. Then you laid out the things you would want to wear this day, now that you lived practically isolated and away from the city you could dress like you would usually dare to only at home, every day.

You did not know why you had always been fascinated by historical clothing but while you lived in the city you learned how to sew as it was quite meditative and it brought you joy to create something. Most of the clothes you made were late Victorian, early Edwardian styled, though some of them were a mix of old and modern fashion.

Today you decided on historical accuracy and because wearing anything colourful just felt terribly wrong you went for an outfit that was completely black. In other words your mourning clothes. After putting on a fresh white shift you picked up your corset and tied it, subconsciously noticing that the gap between the ends was getting smaller by the week. Then you searched for your stockings and clipped them into place, connecting them with your corset. You put your shoes one closing the many tiny buttons of the boots. After that came the first skirt that you left open for a moment as you put on a corset cover and over that a frilled black, high neck blouse that had taken you half of an eternity to finish. You tucked both inside the skirt, closed it and put on the outer one.

You turned to the mirror and noticed your paleness and slightly bony face before applying enough make-up to look like you were indeed alive and not like the living dead. Then you brushed your long hair and put it into an up-do.

You did not have any food and after putting on a coat and black lacy gloves you went outside to go to the small village to buy some. You ignored any of the inhabitants, bought what you needed and went to the pub to send out an order to get the materials delivered you would need to start on the house.

While returning home you felt very weak, needing to pause a few times, when you finally arrived at your new residence you were close to tears. You felt terrible, you were exhausted from getting groceries and the only thing keeping you upright was your corset.

You noticed electricity and warm water were working now, the person who sold you the house must have remembered his promise to get them working. With that you started to slowly pack away anything and made yourself a black tea with a bit of milk, the thought of eating something solid , made you feel even worse.

Deciding that you needed to do something you started to go through every room and looked for something to do, in your bedroom you dusted off everything and decided to wash the beddings the former owner left behind, making a mental note to buy fabric to make better ones. After feeling like you were about to faint you looked to the clock and saw it was nearly 3 P.M.

You walked to the kitchen and forced yourself to eat two slices of bread with a bit of butter before going outside again to see what you could do there. While you looked around your thoughts came back to Sophia like they did every time you tried to take your mind off of her.

In your mind you saw her disapproving glance she often directed at you when you did not eat right. After trying to stay strong for the whole day that was too much, you felt the pain in your chest area, the loss, and the guilt that you had not been there when she did and busted out into tears. You just could no longer keep them in, you legs gave away to the pain your felt physically but even more emotionally, you just cried and cried for your loss, for how your life had been, for yourself.

After a while you felt something wet against your cheek and opened your eyes before you stood Aria, your dog, the last thing you kept living for, the only think that kept you from ending it all. She had always been able to sense the emotions of her humans and came to try to bring solace to you.

For the first time in the last two months you were able to at least slightly smile at her and petted her while you kept on weeping silently.


	2. Alma's perspective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In this chapter Alma notices youand starts to follow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, i am back with the next chapter. In chapter 3 they will properly meet, I am still unsure about how I should write that. I will upload it within this week I think, but i won't make promises. Until then;)

Alma’s POV

Finally, she could leave to scan the island for new arrivals and to make sure that no Wrights or Hollows landed. With that she checked in with Emma for one last time before she went to her room to open the window, spreads out her hands and transforms.

It always feels incredible to just close your eyes, think of your bird form, spread your arms and then finally to transform. She hears her clothes’s hitting the ground but pays them no mind before focusing on the open window and flying through it.

Alma can feel the autumn winds caressing her feathers as she slowly gathers speed and flies to the loop entrance, on her way there she is able to pick up so much more than in her human form and she simply enjoys herself. Arriving at the cave she gets a bit slower before flying into it, Alma feels the pressure as she trespasses before coming out and into the here and now, into the year of 2020.

She rises higher into the air and picks up speed again before flying over the house that is a bit further away from the village and closer to her orphanage. While she flies she notices how a younger woman comes out of it. That puzzles her, since when does somebody lives there again, the last owner was trying to sell it for the past seven years. While she thinks about it, she decides to follow her to see if the strange woman poses any thread to her or her charges.

Alma lands on a tree nearby, concealed by the colourful leaves. She notices the woman’s clothes and is intrigued, why would she wear something like this in the 21th century? The second thing she notices is that her clothes are all black, at least those that are not concealed by the black coat. She watches as the other woman pets a small dog before locking it inside the house, turns and makes her way into the direction of the village.

While she keeps on watching she notices that the woman goes quite slow for her age and somehow looks a bit frail and pale. That worries her for a moment but she keeps on following her until she enters the village. Alma thinks about how strange it is that the younger woman keeps her eyes on the ground, does she have to hide them? Could she be a Wright? But then she just seems to be very weak, a clever disguise maybe?

She sees the woman entering the grocery store and decides to wait, it seems like there are no other new arrivals and she does not have to be back until late afternoon. She had noticed how the villagers had shot the pale woman glances, some were suspicious, some questioning, some neutral and some interested.

The strange woman came out of the shop with a medium sized bag that she could hardly carry, when she saw one of the black gloves riding down her wrist, Alma slowly became worried, it looked bony and too thin to be healthy. After that the woman went to the pub when she came out she looked even paler, soon after that she began to make her way back to her new home.

The home was, like the orphanage, located on a hill and it seemed like the woman struggled quite a bit to get herself and her bag up there again. She even had to make a lot of pauses. Alma had by now discarded any theory that the woman could be an undercover Wright and was outright worried. She was thinking about helping her but she could only guess how the woman would react after seeing a naked woman coming out of the forest or even worse seeing her transform. So she stayed up, noticing how the woman’s lips slowly became a bit bluish and she seemed close to fainting.

During her whole time following the woman Alma thought something other than her physical appearance was off, she seemed like she barely noticed the warning signs her body gave her, it seemed like her mind was always miles away. 

Miraculously she managed the hill and unlocked the door, immediately the dog was by her side again, though the woman did not seem to notice. She merely walked into the kitchen and heated water while packing away the food she had bought. To Alma’s surprise she wore a pretty historically accurate black blouse under the coat, which meant that either she liked the colour black, like a lot, or that she was mourning. Alma hoped it was not the latter.

She decided to land on the window sill of the kitchen but it seemed that only the dog noticed her. After making a tea, the woman began to stare into nothingness; Alma could see the tears in her eyes that threatened to fall.

Suddenly the woman rose, fed the dog and made her way up. She did not eat anything, Alma noticed, that explained her frail look and bony features.

She found her again in what appeared to be her bedroom. Alma watched as the woman looked around but did not notice her by the window. After a bit of consideration she went in what Alma assumed was the bath and came out with a rag and started to dust off her interior. While she watched, she noticed the woman wore a corset and that she swayed a bit now and then. When she changed her bedding, she fell onto the bed a few times because she completely lost her balance. It took her longer than it should to get it done and then she saw her glancing at the clock, but before that she put her hand over what seemed to be a watch pocket in her skirt.

She went down and finally Alma saw her eat, though it was not much and it looked rather forced, like she did not enjoy the food at all, by now her thoughts were spinning around how to help the woman, it seemed like she was not able to look after herself for now. Alma decided that she would come the next day again, after lunch to introduce herself and maybe get to know the woman. Considering her unconscious habits and clothing style there seemed to be more to her, it would be worth a try.

After putting away her plate she went outside to her garden. Alma watched as she again seemed to be miles away, then suddenly she heard quiet sobs, the woman swayed a bit before she fell onto the grass and just cried. Alma’s heart broke at that scene. She came a bit closer, thinking about what she should do, she heard how the woman kept repeating the name Sophia nearly not audible. She looked so lost and hurt that Alma was about to throw all caution to the wind but then the small dog came running to the woman.

It appeared like she did not notice it until it licked her cheek, she smiled slightly and said “Aria”, before petting the dog and continuing to weep. As Alma saw the small smile she could only think about how beautiful she must have been before that Sophia must have died. When the woman had cried herself into sleep Alma could have sworn she heard the dog say “Poor dear, since mistresses’ death, she is only a shell of what she used to be”. With that her suspicion was confirmed the two in front of her had to be peculiar and the woman needed help. When after 15 minutes she saw her stir, she promised herself to return tomorrow and took off. During that night in her bed she thought about the best method to talk with the woman about her and her pet’s particularity and any scenarios that may result out of it.


	3. The first conversation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Miss Peregrin finally meet and have a little chat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so here is finally the next chapter. I did my best to make it realistic. I hope you will like it;)

After your meltdown in the garden you barely had enough strength to disrobe and drag yourself under the covers of your bed before your exhaustion took over and you fell into a restless sleep. Like any night for the last one and a half months you dreamed of her, about how she died, about how you could have saved her.

You were woken up by Aria who jumped on your bed and started to lick your face. She had developed the habit of doing so when you could not bring yourself to leave your bed on time during the last month. You reached out to pet her but she jumped off of it and sat down before your wardrobe looking at you expectantly.

Slowly you started to rise up, but you had to sit down after the world started to spin and all you could see was blackness. You tried again and cautiously made your way to your dog, she let you open the doors and like the day before you chose an outfit that was completely black but you added another skirt because of the cold weather outside. After a shower, you dressed but decided to leave your hair down to dry.

You made your way into the kitchen and heated up water to make a cup of black tea. You felt terribly cold and empty and stared outside the window. You noticed how it had begun to rain and just kept watching until your tea was finished. Looking at the kitchen counter you saw the bread you had bought yesterday and decided that you should eat something if you wanted to get through the day. After making some eggs as well you ate and moved through the house to see what you could do now. You went inside your bedroom and pulled out one of the bags you had brought with you and put the few things that were still in there to their rightful place.

The only thing left was a small poach, when you saw it your eyes grew wet again, with shaking hands you took and opened it. Inside was your most prized possession, the pocket watch Sophia had gotten you after you fell in love with it the year before. You could still see her smile as she gave it to you for Christmas. 

Your fingers caressed the glass of the watch and as you had done so many times before her death you held it close to your heart and let the smooth ticking sound calm you. You made the decision that from now on you would take it with you and put it in the skirt pocket you had made for the watch. 

Only now you noticed the tears you were not able to keep in before, you went into the bathroom and washed them away before drying your face and applying make-up to hide the black rings under your eyes. You added blush so you looked a bit better, than you created your usual up-do and went downstairs. After looking out of the window again you noticed that the rain had stopped and the sun started to come out, as you were about to get a glass of water you heard a knock at the door.

Aria immediately went there and waited for you to follow; you still stood at the counter not sure if you should open it. After you debated with yourself that not opening it would be very impolite you cautiously went into the foyer to open the door.

Before you stood another woman, a bit older then you, she had raven black hair styled into a similar up-do to yours and teal green eyes. She looked at you for a second before a small smile spread over her lips and held out what you assumed was a hand, you did not want to look down, not trusting the strange woman. Then she spoke for the first time: “Greetings Miss, my name is Alma LeFay Peregrine and I am very pleased to meet you, I live nearby, a bit further up the hill. I noticed you moved in here only recently and I wanted to bid you welcome. And what is your name?”

You answered her in a short sentence and out of courtesy decided to shake the woman’s hand, noticing that she wore a pair of lacy gloves and the warmth it radiated. You decided to bid her in as you felt that for now, she did not pose you any thread. Remembering your manners you asked her if she wanted a cup of tea while she took off her gloves and then her coat before hanging it over a chair in the kitchen that you had lead her to. You had noticed that she was limping a bit but tried not to stare. You were sure Sophia could have healed it, if she were still around; you noticed the direction your thoughts were turning to and did your best to shove them to the back of your mind. 

You decided to do your best to appear as normal as you could, so you tried tabbing into that little part of you that was extroverted and did your best to seem pleased by the visit. The fact that you had to do that for your old job helped a lot. Not that you enjoyed fooling people but you wanted to get this over with as soon and as politely as possible, you were not ready to begin a new friendship or relationship of any kind, any time soon, because in the end you were happiest alone. What had the friendship with Sophia brought you? Only grief, guilt and pain.

While starting to fix the tea, you noticed her looking around the room and into the foyer you just came from before settling her eyes on your back. You felt her piercing stare, the worry and also curiosity that seemed to radiate off of her. You thought it to be strange that you could feel what was going on in the person behind of you but you decided to push it into the back of your mind as well for now, you would think about it later. You had to focus right now on the person that was with you in the room. 

Only when you turned you noticed the clothes she was wearing, they seemed so similar to yours, and you were shocked that you did not notice them earlier. You felt a wave of worry hitting you, you were becoming careless. Before Sophia’s sudden death you had always noticed even the smallest details on a person, as you could tell a lot about someone by their appearance alone, but now you somehow did not even seem to care. What would Sophia say? 

The noise the pot made when the water was done pulled you out of your thoughts and you quickly searched for the nice pot you found this morning and put the two teabags in before carefully pouring the water over them. You were just about to search for the cups when your guest decided to speak.

“For how long have you been here? Before I saw the lights from outside I had no idea someone moved in.” Miss Peregrine asked you while watching you reaching for the cups before turning and putting one in front of her.

“Not for very long” you answered “In fact I believe it was only two days ago” You tried to be polite but also you hated to give away too much information. “Would you like some milk and sugar for your tea?” You asked, trying to keep her from asking you more personal questions. When she gave you a small nod you took the milk from the fridge, the pot from the counter and the sugar from the shelf, setting them onto the small table before taking a seat.

“I am terribly sorry but I do not have any cake here right now, I did not think I would get company”, you said with an apologetic smile still trying to act normal, doing your best to stay in the moment and to focus on your guest.

“That’s no problem” Alma stated kindly watching you intently, probably thinking about her next questions. You busied yourself by pouring some tea into her cup and then filling your own, appreciating the heat of the china slowly warming your hands.

“So, what do you think about the island until now? Did you already meet people?” she asked in her calm voice, putting a tablespoon of sugar into the cup before starting to stir her tea. You thought about what you should answer her; you hated lying and did your best to be honest but only to the degree you were comfortable with. After putting milk into your tea you looked at her and answered”I think it is beautiful here, nice and calm, unfortunately aside from you I did not meet anybody until now, but in given time I am confident that I shall find people to talk to. You seem to be very nice though, I hope the others are as well. What about you? Do you like living here? What do you think about the townspeople? You mentioned that you lived even further away than I do from the village.”

In her teal green eyes you could see that she was nervous all of a sudden and maybe she did not expect of you to ask her something but she replied smoothly, “Indeed I do, I prefer living a bit further away instead of in the village. As to your answer your second question I do love the life here, the island is very beautiful, I cannot think of living somewhere else.” While she spoke you had subconsciously taken out your pocket watch and where brushing your thumb over the glass. The older woman must have noticed as she spoke in a soft voice, “That is a really beautiful watch, where did you get it from? The details are just magnificent...”

She must have taken note of the wave of pain and grief that ran through your body and the slightly unfocused look of your eyes as you once again watched the memory replay in your mind.

After a long second of silence you looked at her face, and for a small moment you were able to see something akin to worry in the depths of her green eyes. Swiftly you shoved the watch back in the pocket and tried to calm down. All of a sudden the person in front of you exhaled slowly, you noticed her gaze lingering on the clock on the wall behind of you. With a sad smile she said that she had to return home as she again put on her coat, thanked you for the tea and made her way to the foyer while putting her gloves back on. You decided that you should follow her to the door and opened it for her. You thanked her for the visit and the conversation before softly closing it behind her.

The moment you were alone you leaned against the door and slowly sank to the ground, embracing your legs before starting to cry softly. You felt terribly sad and alone as the memories continued to haunt you, you cried harder and harder until, like the day before, you had cried yourself to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was wondering if you would prefere a romance or a simple friendship? The next chapter will again be from Alma's perpective, until then I wish you a nice day/night ;)


	4. The first converstaion Alma's perspective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now we will see how Alma thinks about their first meeting and to which conclusions she comes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again, it has been quite some time, I hope you are well. I finally finished my 4. chapter and again it is Alma's POV. I noticed that I will only be able to update once or twice a month because planning and writing a chapter is quite a bit of work ontop of my currently very full schedule, so I hope you do not mind terribly. I just want to make sure I do my best in every chapter.   
> I hope you will enjoy this one;)

At the crack of dawn she was already awake. Alma looked out of the window, into her garden and watched the sun rising. Slowly the black- blue faded away and the sky became first pink and then a beautiful shade of light blue. Whenever she needed to think, it was in those early hours of the morning, when all her charges were still in bed and the only sound was the tweeting of the birds outside. She turned away from the sunrise she had just witnessed; it had been the same one for close to eighty years, and still clad in her light, frilly nightgown she walked to her nightstand to get her pocket watch.

It was 7:05 AM, the woman was amazed, as she had not noticed she had stood there for so long, but the events of the previous day had given her enough material to think about. After she came to the conclusion that she needed to help the woman she saw the previous day, she had come home to prepare food for her children before they had eaten and she had tended to the loop. Alma had tried her best to make sure the children did not notice her silence and the way she seemed to be in thought. But she knew it was in vain, at least Emma had noticed, she had not asked but she had felt her gaze linger on her.

Seeing that she was three minutes late, Alma quickly went to her closet to take one of her many black dresses before moving to her vanity to change into a shift. The corset in hand she began to dress before fixing her hair and applying light make- up to cover the darker than usual shadows under her eyes. She had been awake for most of the night, before deciding to move to the window at around five o’clock and her lack of sleep was now visible to the observant eye. After Alma looked into her mirror for one last time, she grabbed her watch and with an affectionate rub of her thumb against its face she put it in a small pocket inside of her dress.

As she was making breakfast she heard how two pairs of small feet came down the stairs and into the kitchen, she turned around to see Olive and Claire stand behind her, still yawning and half asleep. After the good mornings were exchanged she sent them away to wake up the others and made sure to finish the porridge and pancakes before they all came down.

When all of her charges had eaten and the table was cleared she took aside Emma and Bronwyn to ask them if they would be able to look after their siblings, while she was again outside of the loop. She saw the question in Emma’s eyes but chose to ignore it, for now. She would deal with her later.

As all was taken care of she was finally able to leave again. This time she needed to walk the distance, as her clothes would not transform with her should she change into her second form. As Alma left the orphanage behind and walked to the cairn she went through her plan again.

She wanted to talk with the younger woman, preferably about her and her dog’s peculiarity though she did not know if she could, given the others mental state at the moment. So she had decided to make a back- up plan, she would try to appear as normal as possible. Using the excuse of being a neighbour who wanted to bid her welcome. She would start from there and see what would happen next.

As she came out of the loop entrance Alma immediately felt the cold surround her, she pulled her coat tighter around her and put on the gloves she had stored in its pocket. Finding the right path through the moor she soon arrived at the main street and went down the hill. When she finally arrived at the house it was early afternoon and her bad leg had started to hurt. She was lucky that she did not get wet during her walk. Standing at the entrance of the house Alma checked her appearance in the brown coloured glass parts of the door before finally knocking.

She waited and waited, slowly growing restless; she had seen that the lights were on in the kitchen. Did something happen or why did it take the woman so long to answer the door? Shortly before she had wanted to knock a second time the door was slowly pulled open to reveal the woman she had been watching the day before.

Closer now Alma could see the tiredness on her features and the paleness of her skin. Not leaving the other woman out of her eyes Alma noticed that the person in front of her did not seem to be ready for a talk about peculiardom. As the stranger was no child anymore she realised that she needed to mind her words and start to gain the woman’s trust first, before she could make any attempt of telling her who she truly was. Bearing that in mind she held out her hand, introduced herself and asked for the name of the person in front of her.

Alma noticed the sceptical look in the woman’s eyes before she shook her hand. When the hands made contact she noticed how cold and small the other one was that was entwined with hers. But at the same moment she felt a connection being formed that usually was established when two ymbrynes met and had physical contact for the first time. From that moment on Alma knew. She knew that she was not wrong and because of that it was her duty to help the younger woman.

The woman in front of her, that had introduced herself as (y/n), appeared like she did not feel the bond, which was odd. Alma knew it could mean that the other woman was either not aware of what she truly was or that she was too traumatised or depressed to fulfil her destiny to take care of the children. For her it just meant another problem she needed to help (y/n) with.

The older ymbryne was positively surprised when she was asked to enter the house and took the opportunity to see the building from inside. After gladly taking the offer of a nice and hot cup of tea they walked into the kitchen. It was obvious that no one had lived in this house for quite some time; the floor seemed to need a proper cleaning as did the windows. But considering that (y/n) only lived in the building for a very short amount of time the kitchen seemed fine. She removed her coat and gloves and put them on the empty chair beside her before taking a seat.

Suddenly Alma felt wave of anger and pain roll through the other woman, before again all emotions of the person in front of her stopped as she turned around to make the tea. She tried not to stare but could not help herself as she took in the very small waist and the bony looking hands and wrists that were preparing the warm beverage. Again Alma felt worry building up in the pit of her stomach before she tried to avert her eyes, she noticed how (y/n) seemed to be calmer for the moment as her back was not as straight as it has been before and her shoulders had sunk a bit. She was curious as to what had brought the change, though she would not dare to ask, for now, Alma was just glad the tension was gone for the moment. For her it was time to think about some questions she could ask that fitted her cover story, while also giving her a bit of knowledge about (y/n) that she did not like to volunteer, it seemed, unless she was in a situation in which she had to.

When (y/n) finally turned around, Alma first felt her shock, before a second wave of worry came, followed by a heart shattering sadness. She was about to ask if everything was alright when the pot announced that the water had finished boiling. That seemed to get (y/n) back into reality as she swiftly spun around to continue making the tea.

Alma seized her opportunity and asked a carefully thought through question: “For how long have you been here? Before I saw the lights from outside I had no idea someone moved in.” That of course was a lie; she had known since yesterday that this old house had a new owner. She watched as the tea cup was put in front of her. It was rather beautiful with its little painting of red roses and the details that were accented with gold.

Alma looked up into the (e/c) eyes of (y/n), still waiting for an answer. “Not for very long” the younger woman uttered, her voice a bit hoarse, “In fact I believe it was only two days ago”. She seemed to be thinking for a moment before Alma felt a light nervousness that she knew was not her own. “Would you like some milk and sugar for your tea?”, “Someone must have remembered her manners” she thought, before just giving a slight nod. The younger woman seemed like she could use the distraction fetching the sugar und milk would grand her.

When (y/n) finally sat at the table, Alma saw how exhausted she must be, as she slouched even in her corset and closed her eyes for a second. Probably remembering that she was not alone (y/n) straitened a bit before announcing in an apologetic voice and with a rather forced smile “I am terribly sorry but I do not have any cake here right now, I did not think I would get company”. To Alma it seemed like (y/n) was not always aware of what her body was doing when she went into her own world inside of her head. A thing she knew she needed to address sooner or later because the disconnection of body and soul could make a transformation much more difficult or even outright dangerous. The trained ymbryne made a mental note to look into a few books on that topic to help (y/n) to the best of her abilities.

Answering her question Alma found that that was no problem, her mind already occupied with ideas of questions that might give her a few answers, while also not being too obvious about it. She watched the woman in front of her preparing her tea before picking a question.

Alma wanted to see if (y/n) thought about her situation and was beginning to settle in, as well as an answer to the question if she planned to make friends. From her observations the day before she knew that she had not interacted with the other inhabitants of the island but she needed to make sure that her name was not mentioned in the village. For the woman’s sake and her own, it would be too dangerous to have people thinks that (y/n) was insane or even worse help the wights find her loop.

Alma asked in a calm voice, doing her best not to overwhelm (y/n) “So, what do you think about the island until now? Did you already meet people?” She knew the answers she would get, but still she needed to hear them from (y/n) mouth. Doing her best not to stare, so the woman in front of her would not feel watched and self-conscious, she occupied herself with her own tea, putting a bit of sugar in.

“I think it is beautiful here, nice and calm, unfortunately aside from you, I did not meet anybody until now, but in given time I am confident that I shall find people to talk to. You seem to be very nice though, I hope the others are as well. What about you? Do you like living here? What do you think about the townspeople? You mentioned that you lived even further away than I do from the village.”

(y/n)’s long and quite honest answer startled Alma, not expecting the questions she was asked, she was a bit nervous. The mention of her home was a topic Alma was not willing to disclose just now, it would either end in (y/n) loosing it or a big risk to her loop’s security because as an untrained ymbryne she could become a danger to them all.

Would she be abducted and tortured Alma was not sure if (y/n) would keep quiet under the pain, it would take some time to train her resilience and spirit to protect what she loved, as well as an oath to be sworn before it would be safe. Alma was aware that she had to tell her first about her orphanage, before she could train her and hoped that (y/n) would go willingly into her loop when the time came, to receive at least a basic training and to tap into her full potential as an ymbryne.

So she chose to not really talk about her home, glad that for once (y/n) was in the here and now and not miles away. “Indeed I do, I prefer living a bit further away instead of in the village. As to answer your second question I do love the life here, the island is very beautiful, I cannot think of living somewhere else.” As an act of good faith though, she did mention her feelings about the island und was as truthful as possible. In the end she wanted to help but at the same time she figured it would be beneficial for them both to build up a long and lasting friendship, best done by telling the truth when possible.

Alma noticed that (y/n) was holding something in her hand, when she moved her hand to brush a pocket watch’s face she noticed its beauty and also the personal value it must have for her. It was the same with her watch; she could not imagine life without it and also valued the memory of buying it all those years ago, it had always remained her faithful companion.

Letting her guard down she said her next sentence without thinking about its consequences “That is a really beautiful watch, where did you get it from? The details are just magnificent...” 

The wave of pain, grief and despair that hit her, radiating off of (y/n) made Alma instantly regret her last sentence. She saw the brokenness and utter sadness in (y/n) eyes and felt the tight grip of worry around her heart. When the younger woman shoved the watch inside her pocket with a deft hand, Alma knew there was no sense in continuing this conversation for today and searching the kitchen for a clock she noticed how long she had been inside the house.

Slowly exhaling the trained ymbryne focused on relaxing so that the tightness around her heart would fade. Noticing that it would not work she decided that she needed to go as soon as possible, she would have to think about what had happened, sort out her own emotions and make a plan about all the things she would have to teach (y/n).

Glancing again at (y/n) she thanked her for the tea and hospitality before announcing that the time had come for her to leave, while she began to don her coat back on, along with the gloves. After being led to the door by the younger woman, Alma was thanked by (y/n) for her visit before she stepped through the door and heard the soft click that indicated that it closed.

Alma could have sworn she heard a very silent thud of something hitting the floor but thinking she imagined it, she carefully began her long walk home. When she came to the place her house stood, still outside of the loop in the present time, she looked at the old and close to collapsing building and had to think that like buildings, people could be broken too. Right know she might be unsure about how and if she could save (y/n) but she swore in that moment that she would never stop trying.

Collecting her remaining strength, Alma LeFay Peregrine returned to her loop and charges. With a new found energy and determination to return to (y/n) the next day and to gain her trust before the training could start. She already had a plan and also the energy to pull it through, but right now her children needed her and she had a feeling Emma was still waiting for an explanation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I did not confuse you during this chapter because a lot is going on. I think that the next two chapters will be out of different perpectives as well but the next one will most likly be about how Alma tries to gain the trust, I may be making a few time skips, we shall see what will make more sense. The last thing I decided upon is that it will be indeed a romance, though I will not write a sex scene, but a few ones about how they are like in a relationship, still I think until we reach that stage there will be quite a few chapters in between   
> Until next time;) I hope you will stay well and healthy


	5. A decision made

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are making a list in order to decide if you still want to live or if you want to end it all. For this list you relive your best and worse memories.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello everyone, after I was unable to update for quite a while I thought that it would be a good time to upload. I will try to post more regularly now that we still are in quarantine. I Hope you are all healthy and alright. I hope this chapter will clear the back story, beginning with the next chapter we will see if Alma can earn your trust or if she has to take you by force to make sure that everyone is safe, we shall with what she comes up and how things will play out. I have no idea how long the chapter will be. I might also stop to write the same chapter in the two perspective I will come up with an other solution so that the story will have a quicker plot, I might only use the older format when it makes sense to have two perpectives again. Long notes! Sorry, I thought I might let you know my plans for now. Until the next update, bye;)

The soft tick of the pocket watch calms you, until now you never realised how much you missed the beautiful sound. It is delicate and nearly not audible but at that moment it is everything to you, it is like your entire being was unable to survive without it, like a heartbeat. A small smile graced your lips.

You had just woken up, earlier than usual; the sun had just begun to rise. You marvelled at the sight, turning to your left you wanted to alert Sophia of this magnificent display only to find the side of the bed empty. You were lying in it alone, only you witnessed the slow and beautiful sunrise.

You had no more tears to cry, you just felt empty and slowly you were beginning to accept that Sophia was truly dead, that she would never coming back, that the world would spin even without her bright smiles, her gentle eyes and her kind words. For the first time in months that thought did not make you cry, it only filled you with emptiness and something close to acceptance. If you intended to keep living you would need to find a way to heal, slowly and painfully but this was the only thing you could do to avoid to fade like a flower.

There in your bed you laid, resting your hands upon your stomach, your body engulfed in the warmth of the sheets. Though your focus was on what was going in your mind. You were thinking about what reasons you had to live and about which reasons you had to end it all, many, many memories filled your head, good and bad ones.

You were running around in a green and beautiful garden flooded by sunlight, squealing in delight as you were chased by your older cousin, beets were full of flowers, all blooming, all of rich and deep colour. You were around six, your cousin two years older, you had put on your favourite dress and a small crimson hair tie adorned your hair. Your grandmother was sitting on a bench not far from you, smiling fondly at the little game you two were playing. Suddenly you were grabbed and turned, both of you fell onto the soft grass, laughing happily.

It was in your third year of school, you felt sick because of your nervousness.

You parents had wanted to move into the city, far away from the little village you had known for all your life, far away from your grandparents and other relatives, from the friends you had made in, now your old, school. They said they wanted to make sure that you and your two younger siblings got a good education, that you would be far more successful than they were. You had moved into the new, small flat only three days ago, the cold and bleak place that you had to call home from now on. The first night was spent staring up unto the white ceiling, you were crying softly and your parents were in the other room cooing over your siblings, forgetting you.

You entered the class, everyone was starring at you, making you feel uncomfortable, and soon you were dubbed “the strange kid”, or “that country girl”. You were not stupid and soon you were the best in class, you had filled all the gaps in your knowledge that you previously had (your old school had not as high standards as this one). Your success was reason enough for the other kids to hate you, instead of the cold indifference they had shown you before.

Silent tears were running down your face at the memory, the feeling of loss and utter sadness filled your heart, pained every in and exhale.

You found the library, the only good place this cold and grey city had, and spend your time just reading, it soon became your favourite past time. You were able to forget all about your loneliness and the pain in your heart it caused you while you had your nose inside of a good book. It was the place you found solace. Soon you developed a real passion for learning, coming up with systems on how you could remember information better.

You would never forget the day it all changed, the day you began discover who you truly are.

You would never forget that one dream you had; it meant the world to you. You soared up and up through the sky, below you were lush green hills and proud old trees, a blue river snaked its way through a young forest. You felt the wind brush against your body, you saw, out of the corners of your eyes, wings that carried you and you felt freedom, a feeling you had not felt for years.

When you had woken up you had done something you had not bothered to do for the past four years, not since you moved into the cold flat. You cried, painfully missing the dream already. What you did not know, at that time, was that this was only just the beginning.

You came home after another awful day at school; you had gotten back your class test, an A. You laid it in front of your mother who just signed it without comment before coldly dismissing you. They were always like that, at least to you; your younger brothers were showered with love, while you, their only daughter was treated like an unwelcomed visitor. You had just accepted it at some point, never understanding why they did it. You always did your best at school, you always helped anyone who needed it and you never disobeyed them. You went to your room; a bit sad (you had learned a lot for the test, as it was the only subject you struggled with) and sat down, suddenly the memory of the dream you had two days ago flooded your mind. You did not know why you locked the door but you turned the key and put it on top of your night stand. You sat down unto the bed again, on the opposite wall was a mirror, you looked at yourself, even at this age you were a tad too thin, your skin was pale and your eyes just seemed dull, you sat there and stared and stared, constantly thinking of the dream and how it felt to fly.

The sun was going down when all of a sudden you felt warmth and then pain radiate through your body, a silent scream escaped you, you panicked but managed to calm down, a voice telling you to just wait and focus on the dream. Not knowing what else to do you followed the voice’s advice and the pain lessened, as did the, at this point, boiling heat, opening your eyes, your stared in wonder at the image that the mirror showed now. A small bird was perched on top of the bed, black with dots that shimmered in the last bit of sun light that entered the room.

You smiled fondly at the memory, the first time you had changed into your alternate form, the first time you had discovered that other half of you, further filling the void your upbringing had left in your heart. Inside your mind you could still see the small sterling that sat on the dark blue bedcover and stared into the mirror.

The next memory engulfed you; you were running away, away from the flat. You had graduated today, best of your year, and had the first argument you ever had with your parents, you wanted to study literature, because the years of reading had filled you with a passion for language and words. The people that you called parents on the other hand wanted you to study finances and economy in general, in their opinion you needed a job that would allow you a very comfortable life and they were sure that the rest of the money you would give to them. They said happiness will come with money, and money alone, any protest led to threats against you, you could not take it anymore; you ran outside.

After wandering aimlessly around you walked into the city park, the sun was warm on your face, shining across the green stretch of land. You saw birds in the trees, listened to their beautiful song; you had half a mind to transform as well and join them but logic won. You could not risk exposing yourself, there was no one around you but still you would lose your clothes while transforming and you were unsure if there was a CCTV camera around. So you simply listened until the sun began to sink, the view was so lovely that you wished that you could see it again, you wished it with your entire heart and suddenly you felt the same pull on your energy you usually felt when you transformed (it became quite fluent in recent months and you could transform nearly effortlessly by now). After wondering why you felt the pull you opened your eyes and were graced with the same lovely view you had so wished to see again just a few moments before.

You were sitting in an office, you had not slept for two days and your fingers hurt from all the typing you had already done, still so much needed to be finished soon. You silently thanked your body that it did not shut down during the last eight hours that you had spent in front of the computer. You stood up carefully, picking up your cup to make the sixth coffee you had today. Soon you could be home, soon you could rest you told yourself, knowing that you were lying to yourself.

You were called to your boss, unable to stop fidgeting you settled for sitting on top of your hands, waiting on one of the chairs in front of his office. After being called in you enter, shoulders are straight, clothes need, makeup and hair perfect, you sit in front of him a small smile on your lips. Inside your head you were frightened by your ability to uphold the perfect calm facade. Your boss smiled slightly while telling you that you had been picked to replace him when he retires during the next month. You thanked him, feeling proud that the hard work you had put in had paid off. When you were inside your office again you just felt despair and dread, you were already chained to your desk, and a promotion would only worsen your situation. Walking out of the building to get some fresh air and maybe some food you felt someone ran into you before a wave of heat and later pain hit you. Looking down to the person who nearly made you fall onto the street you are greeted by big, shocked looking eyes.

Seeing the direction your thoughts are going you try to stop the memories that follow the encounter.

You are in the living room, sitting comfortably on the sofa, a hot mug of herbal tea in your hand, laughing wholeheartedly at something Sophia had said, who sits beside you. You notice that you are in Sophia’s living room; the conversation must have taken place at the beginning of your friendship.

You smile at the picture in your mind, your heart full of love. 

Another memory again on a sofa, though this time it is your own. Sophia is in your arms crying her eyes out; she had just told you about one of her nightmares. Her eyes still have that haunted look in them when she looks at you. She told you about what she called “the invisible monsters”, about the stench and also the blood that she had felt raining onto her skin. As well as the screams that tell her to run, she believed it was a woman’s voice but she is unsure. You coax her into coming to your bed so that you both might still get some sleep, she cuddles up to you, seeking comfort that you readily give her. You feel like you belong, you feel like this, exactly this, is the reason you were born.

Sadness clouds your mind again, you long for this feeling again, for the feeling that you are needed, that feeling of having a purpose. You close your eyes again.

Memories flash trough, fast moving and mostly happy: a delightful conversation with Sophia, her birthday, a bad day at work made better by a wonderful dinner, talking and comforting each other about your childhoods, the joy in Sophia’s eyes when you made a joke, a little fight you had about each other’s bad habits, the nice visit you made to the rest of your family still in the village, the graves of your grandparents that you rarely saw while you grew up, your cousin’s little daughter, your sewing classes...

Then you saw the Christmas tree you had last year, full of beautifully crafted decorations. The smell of oranges and cinnamon fills your nose; you smile softly, standing in your nightgown waiting for Sophia, exited to open the presents that lay there. She comes out of her bedroom and smiles while she embraces you from behind. The both of you start to unwrap the presents, Sophia’s delighted scream makes you laugh when she sees the books she desperately wanted to read. You open the small box, confused as to why Sophia stopped what she was doing to look, she encourages you to go on and you comply when you see the look in her eyes. The wrapping paper comes off easily and inside of a beautifully made wooden box is a little pouch made of dark blue silk, taking it outside of the box you untie the strings and carefully pull outside the object that is within it.

Feeling tears running down your cheeks you look at the pocket watch resting inside of your hand, you trace the delicate decorations on its face with your thumb. You can still see Sophia’s big smile that was brighter than the sun when she saw the look of utter wonder on your face, the way your eyes watered and the bone-crushing hug you gave her for this thoughtful gift.

The next memory is your worst. You enter the morgue, dressed in black, posture straight, and face devoid of any emotion. The heels of your shoes clicked loudly against the white floor; you followed one of the people who work there into a room where on top of a steel table a body laid, covered by a white sheet of fabric. You slowly went nearer to the body, mindful of your steps you walk until you stood beside the table, looking onto the white corpse. Your nails dig into your palms, drawing blood. Before you lies what remains of your best friend, the person you loved more than yourself. Her face looked like it was made out of wax, peaceful but unnatural, unreal. Her nose seemed broken; a gash was on her right cheek marring her beautiful face. You stood there for what felt like an eternity until a soft touch on your elbow brought you back to reality, the man that brought you here stood beside you, he looked concerned. You had closed your eyes and exhaled, relaxing your hands, you nod at him. He understands and soon after you could no longer stay beside the lifeless body of your friend and you turned around to where the man waited by the door. You confirmed that it was indeed Sophia that now rested on the steel table behind you before you left. You had a funeral to organize.

You still cry at the mental image but not as hard as you would have before, acceptance is slowly drying the tears. You open your eyes and look outside; the sun had risen quite a bit while you were making your list. You had seen the best and the worst moments of your life, had seen your lowest but also you highest points. The final questions that you needed to ask yourself was “Do I still have hope?”, based on the answer you would decide if and how you would want to live.

A difficult question to answer but in the end you had already lived through the last two months and still here you were, if hope had finally left you completely, you would have ended it right after Sophia’s funeral. But if you wanted to live how would your life look like?

You quickly settled for isolating yourself, when you let no one in, no one will be able to hurt you. Yet it felt wrong, like fighting against your very being out of fear for something that had hurt you to a crippling degree. But you would never put yourself trough that pain again. At least with the loneliness you could deal, before Sophia it was all you had known, you could return to your old lifestyle again.

You decided it was time to get up, Aria was growing restless and you wished to quieten your mind by doing something that would occupy it. Slowly rising up you noticed that you did not change into your nightgown last night, after you dragged yourself to your room yesterday you had been too confused and tired to bother with it. Looking into the mirror your still puffy eyes looked back at you, your hair was a mess, your blouse and skirt crumpled. You stripped and went to your closet to fetch a new shift and began the process of dressing again, with care you picked out a new blouse and skirt, both black. After you were satisfied with your clothes you remade your hair before applying light makeup.

Walking downstairs you made breakfast and forced it down, before feeding Aria and beginning to tidy the house. You had decided to live, you had decided to keep going, to make the best of it, even if it meant growing cold again and letting no one in. You would get your life back together, you would battle the depression that had consumed you for two months, you would still mourn and miss her but you made the decision to move on.

As you began to swipe the floor in the lower level of the house you heard a knock, you went to answer it, checking your appearance in the mirror before opening the door.


End file.
